- Dr Tom Hanson

"It's the hardest thing I do."

Coaches: I'm sure you know what a fellow coach would be talking about if you heard him say this (even if you hadn't read the title of this article). Parents and players: empathize with that coach for a moment.

I got a message over the weekend, from a coach who is carrying 33 players now, and can only keep 20. He's not looking forward to the task ahead.


What's the "best" way?
Here are some things to think about...

I've got a book on the shelf behind me by Harvey McKay called "We Got Fired: And it's the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me." It's loaded with chapter after chapter of well-known people such as Joe Torre, Lou Holtz, Bill Belichick, Muhammad Ali, Jesse Ventura and many business people like Donald Trump and Larry King who were bummed out when they got canned.

But looking back it was a key event in moving their lives toward where they needed to be. They were now glad it happened to them.

I was a decent junior high basketball player, but when I made the jump to Moorhead (MN) High I got cut as a sophomore. I just wasn't good enough to play for the Spuds. Yes, I got cut from a team called the Spuds. A low point.

But that gave me time to get into the weight room to put some meat on my bones. I'd had 3 surgeries on my right (throwing) arm from a 4th grade accident, and I used the time to build my body up for baseball and football.

Although I didn't like failing at something I tried to accomplish, it was way better for me to be cut than to languish on the bench in basketball.

Things happen for a reason. If you don't think a kid is good enough to make your team, then you have to trust that it's in his long term best interest to not be there. He needs to learn the lesson that you make available to him by cutting him.

But one quick note: feel into your decisions. "Is this player really not good enough? Or do I just not like him for some non-baseball reason?"

You might try talking your tougher choices through with someone else.

A woman who will care enough to listen and give you honest feedback is a good way to go. Women tend to look at things differently and see different things than guys. Another baseball guy of course can be good, but a women will be focused more on you and your thought process instead of the logic of your rationale from a sports perspective.

Ultimately, the best way to cut a player is with your heart. Talk to him, tell him what you see and why he didn't make the team, and wish him well. Don't lie. Don't give false encouragement. You've got to model mature, powerful, manly (as in being a man, not macho) behavior.

If it is a one-day try out with tons of players, it's ok to post names. But if a kid has been coming to practice for a while you owe it to him to talk face to face. How will he learn to powerfully face adversity if you don't? Put him on his way modeling the way difficult things in life must be handled.

Much of the worst times in my life stem from when I don't face tough issues head on.

I hope it does hurt you.

You're snuffing out a kid's dream. If it doesn't hurt you're either a jerk or so evolved that you see how much you're helping him.